New DS Zelda ...

... with a steam locomotive?!? How industrial must Hyrule become? And can Link have to do absolutely everything on his own, like back in the pre-Navi days, please? And if Zelda is in this one, how does Ganondorf come into play? Is this a brand-new story, or did the water level drop since Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass? Does Link start out running a train-powered postal service? Is that what's with the one shot with Zelda in the teaser? Did the old postman bite the dust after his accident in Twilight Princess? Perhaps this is in between Twilight Princess and Wind Waker, and tells the story of how the world became a cartoon? Would that explain the big statue Link seems to be controlling in the teaser, which reminds me of those from Twilight Princess that you could move with the Dominion Rod? Does this finally link up Wind Waker with its predecessors by ending in a massive flood because Link melts the polar ice caps with all the carbons his cannon-sporting choo-choo produces? Did nobody ever tell him there's a reason the hero wears green? Oh boy, can we have a political satire of a Zelda game?? At the rate things are moving, the next generation of Zelda titles will have no swords, will they? Or will Nintendo pull the Final Fantasy stunt and throw anachronistic restraints to the wind? When will Link get a Buster Sword, huh?? He's got Power Bracelets, he could wield it, right? Won't Ganondorf eventually forget the Triforce of Power, then, and settle for H-bombs? And when things get that high-tech, will Link's sword be able to shoot beams again, for crying out loud?!? Will it have some built-in laser device? For that matter, at the stage of technology things are currently at, why hasn't Link bought a weed-wacker so he doesn't have to slice grass by hand? Aren't spherical bombs with rope wicks getting a little old-fashioned? How long will it be before magic doesn't exist any more, as there's been less and less of it in the past few games? Golly, is all this modernization the reason the difficulty level has dropped so low?? Does Link have his degrees to operate these things? Oh, but Hyrule doesn't have an education system, does it? That'll be next, right? And has any monarchy in history ever lasted this long? When's the revolution, man? How is the line of princesses continuing when there hasn't been a king since A Link to the Past and Minish Cap, and history tells of no queen whatsoever? Can I take a look at the genealogy of the Hylian royal family, please? Or would it just say, "Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda...."? Has this all been fake, and the princess is in another castle? When will the Triforce of Courage be renamed "the Triforce of Blind, Emotionless Adventure"? Does Link really have courage, or is he a retarded instruction-follower? Is that why a side character has to tell him everything nowadays? And why is anyone still trying to connect these games in a timeline? Isn't it obvious now that the goddesses are creating the world over and over again, inducing small differences and bringing about variations of the same events in a quest to get their story just right? Isn't there a Hylian legend that says, "The goddesses saw that what they had made was cool but not good enough, so they said 'Be interesting and multiply ... You shall have dominion over whatever monsters you can overpower ... We shall watch and most likely forsake you, going off to build a new existence when you get boring.'"? When will Nintendo turn the series over to me so I can do things right?